Taking a Step Back in order to Leap Forward

Runners do it. Why can’t I?

I mentioned to you all that I have a background in management and according to my last performance review I’m pretty great at it. There’s just one problem. My extremely organized and logical approach to my work and my other passions (marketing, etc.) does not always translate into other aspects of my life.

Let me give you an example of my latent OCD. I get about 100 emails per day. That’s just the nature of my job. Despite that, my inbox remains clean. Not one email stays in my inbox for over 5-10mins. I triage each email into one of several folders. I then assign it a priority color code. All red items are handled within the hour. Blue Items I am waiting on a response from someone else before I can answer and Orange Items are FMI (just for my information). I archive each week and respond even if it is to say “Report complete.” Or a simple “Confirmed.” This creates a record that I have completed everything that I was supposed to do for this particular case/issue. So in the event (because it happens so often) that I need to provide a status I can type in “confirmed” or “complete” and everything I have done for the week pops up.

I share this with you not for you to laugh at me (although I am sure you are anyway. it’s okay), but to convey that when it comes to work and my passions I am meticulous. And when it comes to everything else, I am completely relaxed.

So what’s the problem you ask?

Finances. My dear Watson. Finances.

I take extreme care with Other People’s Money and I am COMPLETELY relaxed when it comes to large ticket items (car, apartment, etc.). This is part of the reason that I created Bourgeoisie on a Budget. My goal is to continue to live well using less and helping others to do the same. Simply put, I want to eat my cake, save some for later, and sell the rest for a reasonable profit.

These past few weeks, I have seriously examined my expenditures in comparison to my life goals. My findings? I am accepting less, not SERIOUSLY working towards my dream of more, because of my fear of sacrifice. Confused? Let me clarify point by point.

I AM ACCEPTING LESS

Taking anything that is less than your ideal is accepting less. It is okay to do it temporarily but getting caught in the cycle of accepting less than what you really want/need is counterproductive and addictive. (I’m tempted to give relationship advice here but since I do not have the appropriate degree, and it’s completely off subject…I will happily refrain.)

NOT SERIOUSLY WORKING TOWARDS MY GOAL OF MORE

By accepting less, I am not saving towards the more that I require out of life. It’s like buying a closet full of Baker’s when what you really wanted was a pair of Manolo’s. If you would have stopped buying all that Baker’s (or bought one pair) and saved the rest of your income…you probably could have gotten what you initially wanted. (I am not opposed to Baker’s people I just needed a plausible analogy). Furthermore, by limiting yourself to Baker’s and only shopping there… you are not keeping track of you initial goal and you lose the opportunity to get the Manolo’s on sale at Bluefly!

So what’s a girl to do?

Well, first I called my financial advisor (I’m so happy she remembered that I was alive!) and came clean. I told her what my goals were and she promised to help me reach them. I plan to meet with her in two weeks. By then I am supposed to have a fully worked out budget to propose to her. I received in the mail two days after our chat, a wonderful worksheet that will help me put together my budget.

Second, I made a drastic move. Literally, I got rid of my biggest liability (and one of my biggest joys) in order to realize my personal financial goal. While tears, extreme pouting, and worrying were apart of the transition, I knew this was a necessary change that I had to make. If something is not contributing to your goals, it may very well be an obstacle. And if it is an obstacle you need to remove it.

Third, after I finish posting this blog…I am going to research every step it takes to get to my goal. This will serve as my check list to success.

Side Note: Since my drastic move was bound to make some people criticize my decision, I didn’t tell many people. Sometimes a random opinion can keep you from doing what is necessary. An opinion is exactly what it is…nothing more. Sometimes I forget that.

While shopping the other day (don’t worry it was for necessities AND I had a savings pass!), I thought about the Olympics track and field events. I remember watching each runner go through their own funny routine before they got “on their mark”. Every runner did it. Every runner had their own routine and could care less that the world was watching them shake their leg three times, roll their head from side to side, take a step back and then flail their arms front and back. And although, it was funny to watch, no one laughs. No one laughs because the understanding is that the runner is preparing for the race of their life. So who the hell cares what they need to do before hand to get ready for it. All that matters is the success waiting at the end of the race.

Make your sacrifices without others in mind...ALL THAT MATTERS is the success at the end of the race.

TTFN!

Soundtrack to Summer 2008

So a few years back MTV had televised VJ auditions. At that time I as a devoted TRL fan, watched religiously to see who the next MTV VJ would be. I remember sitting through each episode of the auditions. They seemed to go on forever with round after round.



All of a sudden one of the contestants said something so prolific. He was a stocky young black gentlemen who clearly had a love for all types of music. Because when he was asked "What does music mean to you?", he responded 'Music has always been there for me through good and bad times...Music is my soundtrack to life.'


Wow I thought...


"Music is the soundtrack to life."

I remember sitting there completely shocked. I remember wondering if he simply regurgitated that line from some album or something, but when I searched for the quote I came up empty. He just literally free styled one of the hottest lines I have ever heard. Although he never did win the job on MTV, he won my respect that day and forever changed my feelings towards music.

No matter what you are going through in life there is a song that covers the topic or captures the moment perfectly. My summer has been an experience that I will never forget. I had moments of triumph, defeat, laughter, love, and sheer bliss. Here are a few songs that helped complete every summer moment:

1. BABY by LL Cool J and Dream. I do the mean wop every time this song comes on! In the car, while I'm cleaning up the house, at a BBQ or a Beach Party. Every Friday, leaving work I put on my shades and drive around the corner. Once I get two traffic lights away from the office I BLAST this song. It's a celebration for another work week well done. Then later, as I get ready to make an entrance to an after work social of some sort...I play this song again lol. I am absolutely tempted to "Call the radio and tell 'em it's my song!"



2. GOLDEN by Chrisette Michele. Hmph :-) "No comment." This song always leaves me speechless. Here's a link to the song. If you don't have this album, consider yourself temporarily insane and then go to http://www.amazon.com/ for the cure. Can't wait for your next album -Chele! (Saw her in concert this summer. She was Fab!)


3. Summer Rain by Carl Thomas. A summer classic. When are you coming to NY Carl? http://www.ticketmaster.com/ . This song always brings me back to Summer 2000. A summer of change, a summer of love and a summer of accomplishment. I still play this album to conjure up fond memories.


4. Miss Independent by Ne-Yo. Not only is the video reminiscent of Boomerang (nice touch!). But I love the way Ne-Yo writes his songs. Very fluid. He's a storyteller. Miss Independent sounds like a conversation he is having with his friends. Very cool. Oh yea. This is clearly my Monday morning commute song.


5. Music for Love by Mario. The base line on this song is SICK! The metaphors are steamy and Mario's crooning is the sure sign of maturity. Isn't that what summer is all about? (maturity I mean lol).


6. Girls Around the World by Lloyd. Cool video. Gimmicky but hey its a cute BBQ song. Should be played right after "Summertime" by Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff -the all time summer classic.


7. Lil Wayne....ANYTHING. Why is it that every time I turned on the radio this summer I heard Lil Wayne? Not that I don't like Wayne...I just don't want to turn to every radio station and hear the same song over and over again. In any case I heart "Mr. Carter" and my absolute favorite song from his latest album is "Comfortable" that features BABYFACE. If you can get Babyface on your hook nowadays. KUDOS. It's not like he needs the money LOL! Also, this song features a very hot line "Love. Live life. Proceed. Progress." Try and catch it in the song!.

There's more that made it to my play list this summer. But these few songs will hold a special place in my heart as my soundtrack to Summer 2008.

What's on your Summer 08 Soundtrack?

Honorable Mention: Summer 2007 ALL TIME R & B SONG....BED by J. Holiday. I really bought the album on the strength of that song! LOL. Shout out to Dream....

Purple Kisses! (another song by The Dream...just in case you didn't know)

I would be remiss not to mention...

...that I was glued to the television today; watching some of my favorite athletes achieve their dreams. I also became a huge fan of Mr Cullen Jones today. Not only for his achievement today in the relay but for bringing much needed attention to the fact that parents must teach their children how to swim.

Every summer I hear about a poor child who has drowned or nearly drowned in a pool or at the beach. My first reaction is to admonish the parents..."where were you? why weren't you watching your child?" But, my reaction has changed when I heard about the nanny who died trying to save a child. The problem isn't always the parents or care takers. The problem is simply not knowing how to swim.

I learned how to swim at age 4. My mom enrolled my sister and I into one of the only predominantly African-American swim teams around at the time. The first thing I remember learning was to respect the water. I learned how to get in the water properly and to get out of the water properly to prevent injury. I swam competitively until the age of 15.

This is important only for understanding my POV. I am still shocked that there are so many children who don't know how to swim. I liken this to not learning how to ride a bike or roller skate (even though I suck at it...at least I learned). When friends admit that they do not know how to swim, frankly, I'm perplexed.

In one conversation with a friend of mine I gained some insight...

"So what do you want to do for your birthday?" asks my friend.

"I dunno..something really small and simple. You know, nothing major." I reply.

"Oh yea? Like what?"

"Like a Cruise to the Caribbean or an all-inclusive spa weekend." I answered.

"That's small?!" my friend chuckles.

"Well I would really like to step out of some resort pool in November. That's a sexy thought." (FYI I tend to use sexy as an adjective in place of great, good, etc.)

My friend laughs out loud and then says "I'll have to watch because I don't swim."

" You don't what??? How old are you again? I don't believe this...I must teach you."

"Umm, I grew up in the hood...have you seen pools there lately?" my friend quickly replied with a slight edge in their voice.

I ignored the edge and pressed "Again...how old are you? EVOLVE."

**CAUTION** This is where I go off on a complete tangent bare with me folks.

Where or who (for that matter) you come from should never limit what you do or can do now. I absolutely abhor excuses that start off with "well where I come from..." or "I never experienced.." Are you kidding me? EVOLVE. Do what YOU do not what your PARENTS did. If you are a carbon copy then there is really no need for you to walk this planet.

I know that there are people out there who still try to judge people from what "cloth" they are cut from: what school they attended, what their parents do for a living, or where they live...

People who make superficial judgements like that are still trying to define themselves. They are depth less (is that a word? oh who cares I'm on a rant) and are simply projecting. Quit absorbing that mess and Reflect! Reflect that garbage off of you and keep it B.onaB.! okay?!

**COAST IS CLEAR**

I learned a great deal from this conversation with my friend. I learned that where you live can be a barrier to learning how to swim at a young age. I also learned that many people don't take time to learn how to swim after they have become adults. Yet, learning how to swim is very important to every child, teen, adult, and senior. It's a life saving tool that is impossible to unlearn. It's also very inexpensive to learn.

In fact, learning to swim (in most cases) costs less than a designer bathing suit. There are classes available at just about every YMCA and at just about every college/university. All it takes is a little research (I'm talking a phone call here people).

So before you book your next tropical get away or head into the water at the beach/pool please think about taking a few nights out of the week to learn how to swim. It could only save your life.

And just in case you need some stats... http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/drown.htm

I'd like to dedicate this blog to my coach, Robert Trotman. Who always taught me to keep my head down and my eyes on the finish line.

I'd also like to extend my condolences to the families of

Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes

You will be missed.

TTFN!

These are a few of my favorite things..

Mary Poppins was definitely onto something. Right now life is as hectic as can be. We are in a recession :-( and still in a losing (whenever lives are lost it's a loss in my book) battle overseas. And while I know that I will change things when I go and vote in November, sometimes the state of the world gets me down. But I refuse to stay that way.

::SINGING::

I just think about a few of my favorite things and then I don't feel soooooo BAAAADDD!

::Giving a Spirit Fingers finish:::

So here is a list of some of my favorite things under $20 (hello B.On.A.B!) that lift my mood.

10. NETFLIX- Nothing..absolutely nothing beats coming home after a long day at work to that wonderful red envelope in your mailbox. All of a sudden the world is okay. I snuggle up under my favorite blue and gold stadium blanket (Go PRIDE!) and forget my troubles for the next two and a half hours.

9. Riesling- RELAX . Yummy!

8. SUGAR BABY Bath products from Australia... Makes you feel delicious

7. Neutrogena LIP GLOSS...What can I say? If you love Carmex and MAC alike...you'll love this. It's soooo poppin.

6. RED VELVET Cake from Cake Man Raven...all 400 calories of it.

5. Love Spell by Victoria Secret. You can't be in a bad mood when you smell like Fruit Punch :-)

4. Warm Cream Pedicure from Red Door Spas! elizabetharden.com It's worth the extra $5 (it costs $25)

3. Stew Chicken and Rice & Peas from Road Runner of Hempstead, NY. This is only second to my mom's :-)

2. Eyebrow wax from Kurtis! Perfectly arched eyebrows really finish your look. He does an excellent job with my babies! And I'm not sharing him (I mean it!..see there is no link)

1. My mini Bible! Do I need to say more?

Stay tuned for my list for items under $100 (Michael Kors on sale with a unrestricted coupon from L & T here we come :-D )

Estelle Getty, Sophia from the Golden Girls, passes away at 84.

Here is a link to the article. I have fond childhood memories of watching The Golden Girls with my mom and sister. I still quote her character's catch phrase "Picture it, Sicily, 1942" and watch reruns when they air on the Lifetime network.

Getty made a true impact on me. Her life is an example that it is never to late in life follow your dreams and be succesful.

Ms. Getty we will miss you terribly!

Are you there God? It's me Sholly

I always look forward to my annual sorority beach party. The food is always delicious and the festivities always leave me in high spirits. This year I bought a friend with me to experience the fabulosity (love you Kimora! NH) that is the beach party. We planned to meet at noonish and head to the fest. My morning preparations could not have gone more smoothly. I planned to wear my favorite halter top swimsuit (as if I was going to get my freshly coiffed bob wet. ::scoff:: ) and over the suit I wore a great sand colored dress. In my Barbados Souvenir beach bag I packed:

-Sunscreen (Mary Kay has the best. second only to Avon but I’m biased lol)
-SSS bug spray (to keep the beach mosquitoes away)
- Anne Rice novel (I have to read this for book club)
- Uno Cards (for a mean game of drunken uno)
- Candy land beach towel (Very Retro-Sheik)
- Blue print Maxi Dress- Ladies if you don’t have at least 3 in your closet you really need to step your game up http://www.bluefly.com/ or http://www.victoriasecret.com/ or http://www.newportnews.com/ ) Maxis are the easiest dresses to rock with a pair of old Golden girls sun glasses and a pair of chancletas (sp??). Chancletas is onomatopoeia for flip flops or any noisy flat shoe. Named for the noise they make when you walk Chan-Cleta Chan-Cleta Chan-Cleta LOL
- Neutrogena Moisture Shine Glimmer 15 with SPF 20 (this lip gloss is popping! Stay tuned for my top lip gloss under $20 list)

I also brought with me six bags of ice and two large bottles of Arbor Mist to add to the festivities (didn’t have time to make my famous Strawberry Fruit Punch Margaritas).

So I get to the beach fashionably late as only I can do (4 hours late to be exact) and to my utter surprise all of the parking fields are closed except for Field #1. The party was closest to Field #5.

“Oh Dear..” I exclaimed. I didn’t want to alarm my guest so I added “Oh well Field 1 can’t be that far from Field 5. Up for a quick work out before we get there?”

“Not a problem.” He says. (What a great person I thought).

We drive to field 1 and low and behold. I couldn’t be any more wrong! We drove for a good 10 minutes with quite a few other cars to finally arrive at field 1.

My guest looked the way I felt…WORRIED. We get up to the parking attendant and ask “How long is the walk?”

The attendant simply replies “I wouldn’t do it.”

So with an awkward silence in the air I park the car closest to the direction of Field 5. I slowly turned to my guest with a classic damsel in distress look (and very genuine might I add) on my face and asked “What do you think we should do?”

He responded “Let’s sell the ice for a ride.” After we chucked about that he said “we can make it”

To that I said “Yes, we can.”

As I opened up the trunk to display the luggage that needed to come with us, I felt despair creeping up behind me. My friend and I divided the bags of ice the best we could. Being an absolute gentleman he insisted on carrying the extra bag with the two bottles of Arbor Mist. Being the perfect lady…I let him LOL

Optimistically, we journeyed off with heavy bags of ice on our shoulders and the blazing sun above us.

The journey began playfully. I mean, what could you do but laugh and poke fun at the situation? It didn’t seem like we would be walking for THAT long and it beat walking in the sand (alternate route that was quickly dismissed). So we made small talk and poked fun at our seemingly hopeless situation.

SIDE BAR: Before you think that the two of us were complete fools. We tried calling for help FIRST to no avail. Only I had service (thank you AT &T).

So we’re walking. And 5 minutes later we are still walking. 10 minutes later we reach a milestone. Oh hey look its Field 2! We’re making progress. My guest turns to me and smiles and says “Your dress is wet.”

“Huh?..Oh WOOOOW!” I replied and looked down at the hem of my dress. The ice was beginning to melt and seep through the bag. I then felt a shockingly cold stream run down my leg on to my foot. My face must have said it all…my guest starts laughing. As he laughs I notice that what he thinks might just be the cold of the ice on his pant leg is actually a pool of water gathering on his pants and shirt. I pointed…. “Look at your pants!” We began to laugh hysterically and managed to keep walking. We’ll be there soon enough.

Well 10 minutes turned into 20 minutes and all of a sudden we spot a deer crossing the road toward us!

“WTH?! Yo! Is that a deer? Wait don’t move.” He says.

A deer peeked out of the tall grass and came walking towards us from the other side of the road.

The deer crossed the street (safely thank God) and literally came within two feet of us. And I swear to you that for a quick instant I thought the deer was laughing at us on its way through to the other side of the beach.

“Was that deer laughing at us?” I asked.
“Hush you’re hallucinating.”

We pressed on.

Another ten minutes goes by (Yes people we’ve been walking for 30 mins) We get to Field 3. We saw a bus parked just a few steps ahead.

“Hey maybe we can catch the bus to Field 5!” I exclaimed and walked briskly to the bus.
When I got there I asked in the sweetest voice I could muster and asked the bus driver “Sir, do you go past field 5 by any chance…Can you take us?”

The bus driver looked at me as if it was the 50’s and said “I don’t go that way!” and shut the door. This was quite interesting because the driver was of Hispanic descent.

“Hey how long is it to Field 5?” we asked another field attendant.

“Another 2 ½ miles” he said then added “I wouldn’t lie to you” after he saw the look of shock on our faces.

We pressed on.

“My arms hurt” said my guest.

“Let me hold something else.” I offered. I took one of the bottles of Arbor mist and placed it on top of the melting ice. Both my right leg and his left were wet from melted ice.

Then out of no where the sidewalk disappeared. We walked in single file in silence as cars drove past us at 40-50mph. Again, my friend, being the gentlemen that he is kept a watchful eye as my gait kept leading towards walking in the middle of the road.

“Be careful, I don’t want you to get hit.” He said.

“I don’t care! Maybe if they hit me…we’ll get a ride to Field 5.” I whined as I staggered along. I was starting to lose hope but never thought to stop.

Finally I said “Let’s try someone else at the party.” I dropped the bag on the sand/grass and found my cell phone.

Ring Ring. “Hello? Sweetie is that you??? Why are you ditching the party? We’re having fun!”

“HELLLLP ME!!” I screamed “I’m AT THE damn party…been here for the last half hour or so I’m at Field 4 SEND HELP!”

“We’ll be right there!”

I let out a sigh. Help is coming. All I have to do is sit right here and they will come get us in their shiny car with the A/C blasting…OHHH YEAA (in my best Kool-Aid voice. Never drink that stuff it’s poison…just kidding… but no really stay off it people. because I still see the commercials so someone is still buying the stuff).

10 minutes later. Help arrives. But there is just one problem. WHERE IS THE CAR? What’s this? Why no car? Did you really come to save me on foot?

“Oh dear. Are you there God? It’s me…Sholly.”

My help came and they relieved my guest and me of the bags…for which I was COMPLETELY grateful. I didn’t realize how much easier it was to walk without bags of ice strapped to my back.

Finally we made it to Field 5 and low and behold….THEY REOPENED PARKING IN FIELD 5! I think I let out a dirty word or two under my breath and tossed my hair and continued on to the party. I pasted on a smile and helloed and how are you’d my way to the spread of BBQ goods and had a great time.

AND the rest is history. (I got a ride back to the car after the party)

Dear Summer…we always have memorable times!

Special shout out to:

My Angels You two know who you are.
The other half of the dynamic duo. You are the best.
The people on the road who passed us smiling waaaay to hard.
Shout out to the beach staff that opened up the parking at FIELD 5 WHEN WE FINALLY got there. You LINT LICKERS!

My Self-Help Summer...

My Self-Help Summer

Summer is truly here…ask me how I know…go ahead ask me…No silly not because of the weather or the date…I know because I always fall into an introspective mood right around this time. As if the heat and atmosphere know that I need to fall back, regroup and refocus before winter. To satisfy my insatiable desire for self-improvement I have packed my night stand with the following Self-Help Books.

1. How to Talk with Practically Anybody about Practically Anything by Barbara Walters

Rationale: When I speak, people understand me or at least they appear to. However, I really would like to be able to have the ability to speak to anyone about anything. There are so many delicate situations and although I have found great ways to get handle them thus far…a few tips from Barb won’t hurt.

2. Why Smart People Do Stupid Things with Money by Bert Whitehead and Andrew Weil



Rationale: So I consider myself one of the smart ones. I do things that make sense and have even led others to the light. My background in business is a great help but sometimes I need help ditching those bad financial habits that I’ve learned from others (not going to say who). It is easy to do what is easy. It’s easy to fall for the tricks and traps of financing and commercial banking. I plan to successfully avoid any further financial traps and set up my financial freedom. Great read thus far.


3. Upstate by Kalisha Buckhannon

Rationale: Okay so if you are one of the swift ones, you are already wondering how this got on my self-help list. This literary journey took me so far away from my small and surmountable daily issues and promptly dropped me off in a peaceful and solution oriented state of mind. As a result of reading this novel, I was enriched. Let me explain. Upstate is a coming of age story set in Harlem but what happens there is something miraculous. Two lovers, both teens, trapped in prison…one prison is the penitentiary and the other prison is poverty. I refuse to spoil what happens but let’s just say this book is worth the ride and REAAALLLY makes you appreciate where you are in life. I closed the book and wiped a tear from my eye and said “Wow, I needed that.”

Next on my summer reading list:
48 Laws of Power (recommended by my sands)

Any other suggestions?


Coming soon (my four mile walk to the beach…)